Top Signs That You Are No Longer a Kid

* You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

* Your back goes out more than you do.

* Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

* Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

* You sing along with the elevator music.

* You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

* You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

* You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

* You make an appointment to see the dentist.

* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

* Neighbors borrow your tools.

* People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you ?"

* You have a dream about prunes.

* You answer a question with, "because I said so!"

* You send money to PBS.

* The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

* You take a metal detector to the beach.

* You wear black socks with sandals.

* You know what the word "equity" means.

* You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.

* Your ears are hairier than your head.

* You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

* You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

* You are proud of your lawn mower.

* You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

* You got cable for the weather channel. ("Old Folks MTV")

* You can go bowling without drinking.

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

* People send you this list.

* And you think it's original.

* Or funny.